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Sexuality is an important part of being human. It involves more than the
physical act of intercourse with another person. It affects how we feel about
ourselves as males and females, and even affects some of the choices we make.
Sex and sexual images also are very prominent in our everyday lives. They are
common in the movies, on TV, and in books and magazines.
Why should I talk to my teen about sex?
Talking with your teenager is important to helping him or her develop healthy
attitudes toward sex and to learn responsible sexual behavior. Openly discussing
sex with your teen also enables you to provide accurate information. After all,
teens will learn about sex somewhere. But what they learn might not be true, and
might not reflect the personal and moral values and principles you want your
children to follow. In addition, teens need to understand the possible
consequences of being sexually active—including pregnancy and sexually
transmitted diseases, as well as being emotionally hurt.
If I talk to my teen about sex, won’t that just make my teen want to do it?
It is important for children to understand sexual feelings and relationships
before they become sexually active. In fact, studies have shown that teens who
have discussed sex with their parents are more likely to wait longer to begin
having sex and to use contraception when they do have sex.
What should I tell my teen?
First of all, focus on the facts. If you need a refresher, there are some
good books, articles, and websites that might help you (see below). Consider using
the following list of topics as an outline:
- Explanation of anatomy and reproduction in males and females
- Sexual intercourse and pregnancy
- Fertility and birth control
- Other forms of sexual behavior, including oral sex, masturbation, and petting
- Sexual orientation, including heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality
- The physical and emotional aspects of sex, including the differences between
males and females
- Self-image and peer pressure
- Sexually transmitted diseases
- Rape and date rape, including how being intoxicated (drunk or high), or
accepting rides/going to private places with strangers or acquaintances puts you
at risk
- How choice of clothing and the way you present yourself sends messages to
others about your interest in sexual behavior (for example, tongue piercing,
wearing low-cut clothing)
How should I talk to my teen?
Some parents are uncomfortable talking to their teens about sex. It might help
to practice what you are going to say before you sit down with your teen. Be
sure to pay attention and listen, as well. It might be helpful to have both
parents present for support. Some teens might be embarrassed to talk about sex or
to admit they don’t know something, and so might not ask direct questions. Look
for opportunities to bring up sexuality issues with your teen. Opportunities might
come from a scene on TV or in a movie, book or article, or the appearance of
visible changes in your son or daughter, such as the growth of breasts or facial
hair. Explain the physical maturation process and the sexual arousal process.
Remember to respect your teen’s privacy, and try to show that you trust him or
her to make good decisions.
Teen sexual rights
When talking with your teen, consider the following teen sexual rights, which
were developed by the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United
States (SIECUS):
- The right to accurate information about
sexuality and HIV/AIDS
- The right to stop being physical or
sexual with a partner at any point
- The right to say no to an unwanted touch
of any kind
- The right to make decisions about
sexuality, in your own time
- The right to express your sexuality
safely, without risk of pregnancy or STDs, including HIV/AIDS
- The right not to be pressured into being
physical or sexual
- The right not to express your sexuality
unless you want to
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